Green Streets/Transcript
Green's house, front yard (Episode title appears on the logo on Keys' car; Cricket exits the house feeling happy.) Cricket: Oh, what a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the butterflies are butterflying -- (trips) WHOA! Oof. (He picks up the rotten banana peel he slipped on; now he becomes angered.) Cricket: What the heck?! Did someone just leave a banana peel in front of my house?! Where anyone could slip on it?! I HAVE BEEN WRONGED. Keys (OS): Ow! Ma'am? Big Coffee, exterior Keys: Oh, excuse me? Ma'am? (holds up the bowl he chewed) This bread bowl is too hard to eat! Gloria: Oh, my gosh. That is not -- (Keys is biting it again; grabs it) Lemmie...take...that! (grabs it back) Keys: Ah, yes. Bring me a fresh bowl, please. Cricket: (approaches Keys' table) Excuse me, Officer Keys? Keys: Why, if it isn't little Cricket Green. Cricket: Some no-good filthy litterbug threw this banana peel in front of my house! Where I slipped on it! Dust this for prince, Officer! I want this litterbug behind bars! Twenty years to life! Keys: (chuckles) Well, doesn't that seem like a bit of an overreaction? Cricket: What?! But I'm a victim! Of this crime! Keys: Well, sure, but everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, you gotta cut people some slack. Cricket: (offended) "Cut people some slack"?! You go easy on this litterbug, and they'll keep on littering and littering until we're up to our eyes in trash!! As an officer of the law, you're the only one with the authority to put an end to this, so that no more little boys have to slip and fall on their tushes. Keys: Wow. (stands) I've never thought of it that way before. Y'know, catching this litterbug might be easier with two people instead of one. (holds out hand) Whaddya say, partner? Cricket: (shaking it) Count me in! Keys: Ha-ha, great! Just don't tell my superior! Green's house, near the street (Cricket poses with Keys near his car, now wearing a police hat, shades and necktie. The Greens are watching.) Bill: Cricket, stop mockin' that police officer. Keys: Oh, no, no, no. He's not mocking me, he's my new partner! Cricket: Eeeyup, I'm now an officer of the law. Gramma: Finally, Keys has a partner with equal intelligence. Cricket, Keys: Thank you. Tilly: My own brother. A bonafide boy of the batch. A boy in blue. A blue boy. Cricket: Thank you for your support, civilians. Now if you'll excuse us, time to put the trash where...time to take the...time to take the trash out. (The car drives away.) Bill: Took him a while to get there, but that was a super cool exit line. Inside Keys' car/Streets Keys: Welcome to my cop car! Guests sit in the back, and down here is my police computer. (Shows a laptop with security cameras onscreen; the keyboard is loaded with a bag of chips and a bobblehead of a clown with a burger for a head.) Keys: I find it perfect for holding snacks and bobbles -- oh, right! (struggles to steer) I'm driving! Cricket: Enough chit-chat, Keys. We've got our work cut out for us. Anyone could be the litterbug. (He spots several residents: first a green man playing a saxophone.) Cricket (OS): Like that guy. (a pink headphones-wearing woman giving her baby a ride) Or that baby. (a red man eating a banana on a bench with two dogs) Or...hold the phone -- (looks at the banana) That guy! That guy's eating a banana! Officer Keys, pull over!! (slaps him) Keys: Whoa!!! (The car crashes into a lamppost; Keys gets out.) Keys: Hello, citizen! Cricket: (flips out) Freeze, scumbag! Keys: What my partner means to say is, are you the litterbug that's been playgating our city? Banana man: Uh...I don't think so! Keys: Grrrreat! Thank you for your time! Cricket: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? If we're gonna catch the litterbug, you have to be tougher than that. We'll have to -- (Keys is being licked by the man's dogs and is laughing.) Keys: That tickles! Cricket: Ugh!! Keys, are you even paying attention? There's tons of infractions on this street! Look over there! (Shows an elderly woman crossing the street close-enough to a car wearing a party hat and a balloon tied to her walker.) Cricket (OS): That woman is jaywalking! Keys (OS): Well, she's clearly on her way to a birthday party. (walks up to him) No sense ruining someone's day over a little mistake. Cricket: There are NO mistakes when it comes to the law! Huh? (Keys is already helping her cross.) Keys: Have fun at the birthday party, ma'am. Cricket: KEYS!! (facepalms) Ugh!! No wonder this neighborhood is a mess! (trips) WHOA! (Shows the paper cup he tripped on is on his face; he removes it.) Cricket: More litter?! IT'S GETTING WORSE. Keys: Looks like the litterbug struck again, eh, partner? Cricket: All right, I've seen how you operate. So on this next one, I'm takin' the lead. Keys: Ooh! Power shift! Sounds good! Whatja have in mind, partner? Cricket: I don't know about you, Keys -- (puts sunglasses on) But I'm suddenly feelin'...thirsty. (The cup reads "Benny's Lemonade".) Big City Park, Benny's lemonade stand (Benny is selling lemonade; he gets a tip from the customer who came.) Benny: Gee, thanks, mister! Bye! I love you! Cricket: Now remember: just follow my lead. (Benny pats the table making fart noises; Cricket and Keys step up.) Benny: Hello, friends! Would you like some lemonade? Cricket: Not today, Benny. We're here to talk. Benny: I wove talking! Whatcha wanna talk about? Grass? Trees? Dreams? Cricket: Quit stallin' and tell me what you know about the litterbug! Benny: Little bug? I know a little bug! Cricket: You do? Benny: I know where lots of little bugs are! Right down there! Cricket: (looks down) Huh? (Some ants are crawling over a discarded lolipop on the pathway.) Cricket: A lolipop? (picks it up and shakes the ants off) This doesn't belong here, now does it? (licks it) BLECH! Cherry? I HATE CHERRY. (to Benny) Who left this on the street?! Benny: (has ants crawling on him) Heeheehee...these guys tickle! Cricket: So that's how you're gonna play it, huh? (removes sunglasses) Maybe you'll feel like talkin' if I do...THIS! (He takes one half of a lemon and holds it before him, squeezing it as if trying to squirt the lemon juice in his eyes.) Cricket: Have some...lemon juice...in your...eye!! What the -- (The juice squirts into his own.) Cricket: AHH!!! Benny: Gowwy, Cwicket! That looks like it stings! Cricket: You bet it did...and the next one's aimed at YOU! (holds up both halves; again, his own get squirted) HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?!? Benny: Stop! Pwease! Cricket: Oh, you don't like it when I get lemons in my eye, huh? Well, I ain't gonna stop until you talk! (Now he grabs a whole pitcher and begins pouring the lemonade all over his eyes.) Cricket: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Benny: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Cricket: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Keys: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! My partner needs backup!! I gotta help him! I gotta...I gotta... (sternly puts on sunglasses) Get tough. Cricket: (eyes now red, veiny and watery) You had...enough? Keys: I'll take it from here. Tell us who dropped the lollipop, or you're going to lolli-''jail!'' (holds up handcuffs) Benny: No! Powice! I'll tell you everything! I don't know who threw the cup, but the lolipop -- was Tilly Green's. (runs away) Cricket: (stunned) Tilly? Keys: Did you see that? Oh-ho, my heart's racing! Tough break about your sister, though - she's our new lead. Cricket: An unfortunate twist. (looks at the lollipop) But justice -- like my lemon juicy eyes -- is blind. (blindly looks around) I really can't see, Keys. Which way? Is that you? Keys: Oh, follow my voice. Uh...this way. Yeah. Green's house, garage (The ceiling light is turned on; Tilly is at a table.) Cricket (OS): Tilly Green... (He and Keys step into the light, the former having removed his hat and restyled his hair and the former having taken off his hat as well as his jacket.) Cricket: It's unfortunate we have to meet under some circumstances. We're just gonna ask you a couple of questions. Keys: (all optimism gone) Yeah. Questions. Tilly: Well, officers, I'd be happy to co-operate. However, I must insist that my lawyer Saxon be present. (Saxon flops forward.) Keys: WHY I OUGHTA -- ! Cricket: Easy, partner. (sets lollipop down) At 1300 hours, we found this piece of litter on the street. And I gotta witness that place is you at the scene of the crime. Tilly: My lawyer says I don't gotta say nuthin'. Keys: GAH!! (pushes stuff off table) CONFESS! WE KNOW THE LOLLI'S YOURS, YOU BLAMED HIM! Is that too much? Cricket: No, no, I love the energy. Keys: CONFESS! Tilly: Whoa, okay, okay! I admit the lollipops were mine... (Flashback: Tilly giving a bowl of lollipops to Benny.) Tilly (VO): I was Benny's supplier, all right. Was a pretty good racket, too. (One lollipop is taken by Remy; Tilly watches from a bush.) Tilly (VO): Benny got more customers, and I got to watch my friends enjoy the lollis. (Flashback ends.) Tilly: But if one of them ended up on my street, that is out of my hands. I'm sorry, but I'm not the litterbug. (Silence.) Cricket: (whispers; to Keys) What do we do now? Keys: I don't know! I already knocked everything off the desk! Cricket: Maybe do it again. (Keys puts what he knocked off the desk back on it, then knocks it all off again.) Tilly: If there are no further questions, I'll be on my way. Cricket: Alright Tilly, you're free to go. (opens garage door) Tilly: Listen, Cricket. There are cameras all over the city. They'll tell you what you're lookin' for, but I must warn you... (inhales) Trust no one. Especially not your partner. Cricket: What? (looks at Keys) Are you sayin' what I think you're sayin'? That Officer Keys...is the litterbug?! (realizes Tilly left) She's...gone. Keys: Urg, we're so close! We can't let this litterbug slip through our fingers! Cricket: (suspiciously) You're right, Keys. We can't. Keys' car (They get back in the car that evening.) Keys: Ugh, that litterbug just boils my blood! (He slams a fist on the steering wheel; the bobblehead falls off the laptop, revealing the security cameras on the monitor.) Cricket: (gasps) The security cameras! (to Keys) Say, Keys...why don't 'cha cool off, get us a couple of coffees? Keys: Yeah. A buncha hot coffee'll cool me down. (He gets out and enters Big Coffee; Cricket watches him and snickers.) Cricket: All right, gotta act fast. (knocks the chips off the keyboard and starts typing) You can't hide your dirty crimes from me, Keys. (Shows the grid of six cameras.) Cricket (OS): Just need to see the footage from the last few days... (First camera: Keys directing traffic at a crosswalk.) Cricket (OS): There he is, you dirty rascal. (He himself appears, balancing a cup on his head.) Cricket (OS): Ooh, look! And there I am! Heh, still got it. (The cup falls off; he ignores and goes on.) Cricket (OS): Heh, that dang cup just wouldn't stay on my head. (Next camera: Cricket at Benny's lemonade stand. He unwraps the cherry lollipop and tosses the wrapper onto the path before licking.) Cricket (OS): Ooh, me again! (He is disgusted and throws the lollipop over his shoulder before running off.) Cricket (OS): Uh...I think I came back for that. (Next camera: Cricket pops out of a trash can on the sidewalk and sees a frog hopping past; he rolls in the trash can sideways, leaving trash where he goes.) Cricket (OS): (realizing) Huh...? Oh, no, no, no. (Next camera: Cricket tossing paper airplanes from a building.) Cricket (OS): No! Oh, no! (Next camera: Cricket carrying a box of junk down a sidewalk which spills behind him.) Cricket (OS): Oh, this can't be right! (Final camera: Cricket finishes a banana.) Cricket (OS): The banana! (He goes back inside before tossing the banana peel over his shoulder and leaving it. He comes to the big conclusion...) Cricket (OS): No! This...means...that... (shows him) ''I'M THE LITTERBUG!!'' (Zooms out to show Keys is back, having heard and holding two coffee cups.) Keys: Huh? Cricket: Ah! Officer Keys! (closes laptop) How -- how long have you been standin' there? Keys: Long enough. (spills the coffees) Cricket: Ah -- I know it looks bad, but -- I can explain! Keys: It's just like you said, Cricket: You go easy on this litterbug, and they'll keep littering and littering until we're up to our eyes in trash! Twenty years to life, remember? (holds up handcuffs) (Cricket frantically starts rolling the car window down.) Keys: Don't you dare. Cricket: AGH!! (He hops through the window and runs away.) Streets, various (He runs for his life; Keys starts to give chase.) Cricket: Keys! Ah-ah we can talk this out! Just-just you stop runnin' first, then I'll stop runnin'! (He absolutely does not; the scene becomes adorned with pink and blue ominous lighting.) Cricket: I didn't know I was littering! That's basically the same as being innocent, right? (No answer; he comes to a market and spills trash before escaping.) Keys: A repeat offender. (Cricket steps in mud, scattering various pigeons.) Cricket: Ughhhhh!!! (One pigeon slams against Keys' head, but he keeps running. Cricket runs down an ally and hides to let Keys slip right past.) Tilly: (appears holding a balloon) Hi, Cricket! Cricket: AGH!! Tilly? What are you doin' here? Tilly: I have my own life. Cricket: Tilly! Officer Keys found out that I'm the litterbug and now he's after me! Tilly: Well, I told you not to trust him. But I wouldn't worry too much. Keys is usually pretty nice. I'm sure he'll be understandin' about it. Cricket: Well, I might have convinced him to cast away his humanity. Tilly: Oh. Then you should run for your life, because he's right behind you. (Indeed he is.) Keys: Grr... Cricket: What?! (sees him) AHH!!! (runs away) Tilly: Bye, Cricket! (The chase continues; he starts climbing a building's ladder while Keys takes the stairs.) Rooftops (He reaches the top, as does Keys; he jumps to the next building.) Cricket: AGH! Oof. (More chasing.) Cricket: AHHHHHHH!!! (There's nowhere left for him to run or jump; he almost falls off.) Cricket: Whoawhoawhoawhoa...!! Oh, boy...!! Keys: There's nowhere left to run, partner. It's time to go to the station. Cricket: Keys, don't do this! It's not like you! Keys: You said being tough was the only way to get results. Cricket: I know, but -- I was wrong! You were right from the beginning: everyone makes mistakes, and maybe sometimes goin' easy on people is the right thing to do. That's how everyone should be treated. Keys: Do you really believe that? Cricket: Yes, I do! (A pause; Keys removes his shades and returns to his old optimistic self; regular background lighting resumes.) Keys: Oh, thank goodness! Being tough is so exhausting! Can you imagine if I had to be like that all the time?! Cricket: Haha...yeah, that'd be horrifying. Say, do you mind if I move just a little closer? Keys: (backs up) Oh, of course. Cricket: (moves in) Oh, that's much better. Thanks for bein' so understanding, Keys. And I really appreciate you lettin' me off the hook. (Keys handcuffs him) Uh, what's this, now? Keys: Oh, I'll go easy on you, but I can't let ya off scot-free! Sidewalk, outside Green's house (Next day: A disappointed Cricket cleans up trash on the sidewalk while Keys watches.) Keys: Isn't this great? It's like we're still working together! Gramma: Well, Cricket, you kept your word. You are cleanin' up the streets! (The family laughs; Cricket is not amused.) Tilly: Good one, Gramma! Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:G Category:A-Z